When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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