I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
