Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
