she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
