you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
