there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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