when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize