addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
