"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
