READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
