I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
