That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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