so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
