Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
