wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize