YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
