Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
and you fell through a lawn chair
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
