I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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