Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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