you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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