last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
