is your mom at the bar?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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