coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
