Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her vagine was all disorganized.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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