somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
