The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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