Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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