i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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