ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
