reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
