Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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