my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
