But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
