Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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