I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at about main and main street
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
