come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
