Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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