i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
