I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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