He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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