Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
