yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
