Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize