why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
