i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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