Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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