I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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