I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
