Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
