i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
