i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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