I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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