imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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