i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
