Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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