So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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