Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
