If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want nice things and good sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
