just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
