Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
