its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is Oprah even human
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
