if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
