btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
