I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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