You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
