you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
two words...techno handjob
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
