I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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