atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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